Poems by J. J. Campbell


to the hot brunette that rode by me today

there is something about
a good lookin' woman on a harley
that just drives me nuts
my penis begins to throb
and my mind starts racing
thinking about how great
the sex must be
but my brain brings my dick
back to reality by
reminding it that she
probably has that motorcycle
for a reason
and no matter how good
you might be you
don't stand a chance
up against that machine

burn baby burn i masturbate almost as often as i smoke and i'm up to nearly a pack a day and i would masturbate while i'm smoking but i have this fear and it's not that i think that it would hurt if i burned myself i fear that i might like it if i burned myself and so there i would be burning my cock day after day and since i wasn't blessed at birth it wouldn't be that far of a stretch when a woman told her girlfriends that i had no dick
a symphony a friend of mine told me that having sex with this woman was like listening to a symphony and being a fan of classical music i decided to pursue it so after a few days of prodding and begging dinner and a few bullshit lines i finally got her into bed and she reminded me of beethoven when she took off her clothes it was like the beginning of his 5th loud, boisterous, and it knocked me on my ass but like most of beethoven my mind began to wander in the middle so i flipped her over and began conducting myself my tongue danced the moonlight sonata in her mouth while i pounded his 9th into her soul she climaxed to the song of joy so like any good conductor i took a bow made a drink and began smoking my cigarette thinking about my next piece of music
while masturbating today after years of fantasizing about shooting my load on some hot woman's face watching her lick her lips her cheeks glistening sperm dripping off her chin like spring water coming down a mountain it figures the first face i would shoot it on would be my own
the last motherfucker on the planet i'm not the type of guy ladies would brag to their girlfriends about after we fuck i'm too hairy and don't look good enough for them and they surely won't tell them how i like to suck on nipples and eat pussy for days i'm the type of guy that a lady would see and say to their girlfriends "not if he was the last motherfucker on the planet!" and i'm sure that day will come when i am the last motherfucker on the planet with all these ladies scouring the planet for a vibrator and when none is found i'm sure most of them will pass and some will swallow their pride (among other things) and fuck a poet until then i'll just keep being this ugly fucker that can't turn a head but sure can satisfy
the end of a losing streak my italian beauty stands before me with her luscious blue eyes slowly taking of her summer dress shaking her ass for me licking her lips running her hands down her body teasing me by slowly taking off her bra and panties then she stradles me and kisses my ear whispering how she wants to fuck me like no one has fucked me before and it's moments like these where i can't help but think god must have took the day off or was kind enough to let me win one for a change
bathroom thoughts everytime i go to piss i tend to count the number of pubic hairs resting on the edge of the urinal i imagine who left them there and where were they before they were deposited in the bathroom then i zip up and look at my donation and wonder if the next fucker will even take the time to notice
victoria's secret sitting here taking a shit reading the victoria's secret catalog and i would like to tell victoria that her secret looks wonderful on all these beautiful women i'd never get the chance to fuck even if i made a million dollars a year owned every luxury car and had a dick that was a foot long limp
you are what you eat this guy once called me a pussy and my smart ass replied well, you are what you eat and the dumb son of a bitch had no idea why i kept calling him dick
just a thought a friend asked me once if it felt like i was cheating on myself when i used my left hand to masturbate with i told him no to me it always feels like a threesome
envy sitting in my easy chair naked listening to mozart stroking my penis out of the corner of my eye i see my cat licking her ass i get out of my chair turn off the music put my clothes back on envy has ruined my good time
on my porch i like to sit on my porch with a beer and a cigar and watch the young girls walk by with their hot short skirts and long tan legs tight shirts meant to accentuate still forming breasts their hair is always glowing and they have that special wiggle in their ass they never turn to look at me becoming aroused licking my lips thinking of what i could do with that they've been warned about dirty old men on porches but the fat ones the ugly ones the virgins that sit in school all day long and listen to the sexual exploits of their friends they always turn and smile they know their reality you've got to take what you can get it's my reality as well
good intentions i thought about piercing my tongue for my girlfriend to help better please her but then she dumped me so i quickly tossed that thought aside knowing damn well i'm not nearly flexible enough to please myself
Is that all there is? i need to put a lock on that door my cat likes to watch me piss and while i don't mind an audience i can't help but wonder what she's thinking while she's sitting up there watching and after i shake it off put it back in and zip up i go to flush and she has this perplexing look on her face which unfortunately i have seen before that look that says "honey, is that all there is? fuck, i'm wasting my time"
Lonely Birthday for all these years outside smoking a cigarette two in the morning listening to the cats fuck out in one of the barns and while i listen to them fuck each other to the brink of death i get to thinking about how my birthday is tomorrow and how i'll be spending it alone again i take my final puff and look at my hands wishing that they could scream like that or at the least maybe i could have multiple personalities easily interchangeable so when i do close my eyes and reach down between my legs i could have that birthday threesome i've fantasized about for all these years
circumcision i think my being a sexual freak/pervert/sexaholic or however you would like to stereotype me all leads back to my circumcision i would like to believe that i didn't cry like a little baby i would like to believe that i clinched my fists gave out a little moan finding the pleasure in the pain and smiled at the doctor and through that smile i'm telling the doc to do it again but kiss it afterwards stroke it gently make me feel like it's something special and not like i'm just another john that's part of your normal work day